Shem Haleal
by enlighten up
Summary: Cadet Data goes through Starfleet Academy, using personal logs to comment on his surroundings. Follows Data through the course of his life and his service aboard the U.S.S Enterprise. Data/Taurik pre-slash. Eventual Data/Picard explicit relationship.
1. 2341 14

_Personal log. Stardate 2341.14._

[_Begin Recording_]

I have decided to begin this personal log to document my observations about life in Starfleet, with the purpose of better understanding Human customs.

I recognize that the statement 'Human customs' is vague and generalized, considering that Starfleet Academy caters to various species of differing capabilities and sentience, but that is another Human custom. This is the first time I have ever used a generalization, and I find the lack of specific information to be inordinately disconcerting. It appears to be a stated falsehood, and I do not yet understand the difference between a lie and a generalization.

That is the first observation that I have made since beginning my tutelage at Starfleet Academy. The Human officers tend to make rash and generalized statements that blanket other beings in a perception that is biased and stereotypical.

I have approached and spoken with a Vulcan cadet named Taurik, who agrees with my analysis of the phenomenon of description. He, however, uses his own forms of generalized statements.

'Illogical.'

I pointed this fact out to him and he engaged in a peculiar facial expression that included raising his left eyebrow and frowning. I assume his emotional response to my elucidation of his behavior was due to his surprise at his own lack of self-awareness. He argued with me that, while he did not extend the specifics of his statement that a thing was 'illogical,' it was the truth at the time as he viewed it.

The concept fascinated me, and illuminated a possibility that I had not considered before. Is it a lie if you believe something you say? The Starfleet officers that I witnessed making these generalizations appeared to be convinced of the notion that they were the truth. Their facial expressions were not consistent with the ones I associate with lying. Though I must admit that I have trouble with distinguishing this particular emotion as well.

I am also uncertain whether it is indeed an emotion, or otherwise. Often, lying will present itself in lieu of an emotional response, and my programming and the accumulation of all the information that I have acquired over the course of my activation period have led me to believe that lying is indeed an emotional response.

I am told that this form of personal self-reflection is common amongst a wide variety of races. Taurik mentioned a Vulcan writer by the name of T'Mera, who used a private commentary in her publications in order to bring the Vulcan general audience to personal philosophical revelations.

I have studied the mementos of various authors, and I have conducted a survey with my roommate Alyssa Ogawa, and two of her friends, named Coriana and Sandra.

All of the information agrees on one particular thing. My personal account must include information about myself. I am not yet certain why this is, but I will adhere to it. I believe there is a certain form of logic to adhering to the structure of true personalized accounts of events. Though I do not understand the reasons for these structures implicitly, many of my misunderstandings of social interaction come from my inability to dwell upon what has happened.

By creating this account of events, I am better able to analyze the information and form rational answers to my questions based upon hypothesis and observation. This is another characteristic that is common in routine social interaction.

My name is Data. I do not have a 'last name'.

I am a Soong-type android, and as far as I am aware, I am the only one of my kind. If I were to have a 'last name' in the traditional manner of Humans, it would most likely be Soong. That is the last name of the man who created me. Dr. Noonien Soong.

I have resided in Starfleet Academy for just over fourteen days. I live in shared quarters, an experience that I will chronicle in depth at a later time. I am compelled to form a reminder, or 'note', within my matrix to do so.

I do not have any companions among the Academy members, though I am beginning to frequently interact on a more personal basis with Taurik cha'Karon, the Vulcan in Engineering track. We are in the same exo-biology class. He has taught me valuable information about Vulcan culture, a subject that he converses on regularly and with visible enjoyment. We often have arguments over the merits of shying away from all emotion. He believes that my state is envious, whereas I am of the opinion that he freely shuns that which I wish for most. Nevertheless, he is the only person in the Academy that does not appear overtly uncomfortable in my presence.

My teachers appear to find me adequate, as I am impervious to the belligerence and rebellion of the other students and I am readily available to answer their questions and complete their objectives within the allotted time frame. I am majoring in probability mechanics and Operations track.

I was officially activated on February 2nd, 2338. This is comparable to being 'born'. I would say that February 2nd is my birth date. I have experienced a total of three years in my activated state. The definition of android applicable to myself is indicative that I look Human. I have two hands, two arms, two legs, a torso, a head, skin, and eyes.

These traits are most associated with a Humanoid appearance. I have heard Medical students use this description to fit a bipedal Humanoid many a time. Such descriptions are often colloquialized with such terms as 'Two legs and a heartbeat.'

They are considered to be the 'Human standard'. To conform to the nature of Human description, I have chosen these sets of limbs as my own appropriating measure of my own appearance.

These traits, and all other physical manifestations that I possess, are facsimiles. They have been rendered to suggest to others that I am Humanoid in nature.

My internal and biological structure is non-organic, composed of twenty four kilograms of tri-polymer composites, eleven kilograms of molybdenum-cobalt alloys, and one kilogram of bio-plast sheeting, used to simulate skin. I have been told that it feels 'real', though I cannot confirm this with accuracy.

My storage capacity, which in organic life forms would be akin to their 'memory', is one hundred petabytes. That is over fifty times the identifiable storage capacity of the Human brain.

These are not specific numbers, because I am told that an over-specification of numerical information is often taxing and monotonous for those listening. Since I am the only one who has access to this, I have determined that no one would listen. It may seem illogical that I conform to the habits I have designated as important in social interaction, because I am not interacting with anyone. However, I believe that it is imperative in beginning to understand interaction itself that I continue with these behaviors within the confines of my personal accounts. It is a fascinating experience to justify the reasons why I am completing these things, to no one but my own self.

I have a computational speed of sixty trillion operations per second.

Where I make computations, most species would substitute thought. I am capable of running simultaneous operations, or thoughts, at the same time. Often this is done in excess of thousands, which confuses many people because I appear to jump from subject to subject in my verbal communication. I have often found myself dismayed with my lack of ability to efficiently communicate the ideas that I possess verbally.

I am certain that my method of thought and the Human method of thought are extraordinarily dissimilar.

Whereas I compute, Humans tend to arrive at their personal conclusions by way of self-discovery, understanding feeling and emotion. I have yet to have an independent thought that did not occur based upon computing differing sets of information to arrive at a mathematically equivalent (or middle ground) answer. Even the few estimations I have given have been based upon probability equations. I am frequently troubled by my lack of 'gut instinct'.

I am considered to be a sentient being.

I am one of the very few sentient androids that exist. When I was activated, I assumed that I was the only one. Scientific fact tells me that it is improbable that I am the only manifestation of inorganic life to possess cohesion and intelligence arrived at by way of sentience. I have often contemplated the meaning of sentience, and what separates a living entity from a sentient entity.

My Starfleet cadet file states that I am a living being.

Despite this, I am often treated by other members of the Academy below the accepted standards of respect. I have yet to understand why this is. Taurik tells me that it is because of the fact that the majority of Starfleet is Human, which is apparently a race that is known for the displayed fear of things that are not understood. If there is one thing that I have learned, it is that I am not easily understood in any capacity.

It took me many months of being activated to realize the nature of my own sentience.

I am sentient because I have desires. I have wishes. I have needs. I have wants. I want to join Starfleet. I want to be understood. I want to be respected. I want to learn Human social interaction. I choose to believe that I am a person, which is a credit toward achieving said goal. So far I believe it is the only adequate step that I have managed to take. That is a metaphor, though relatively simplistic. I am told that the metaphor comes from the 'goal' being a staircase, and each step that I would take up this so-called 'staircase' would be myself, as an abstract concept, becoming closer to my desired outcome. I still have difficulty with understanding metaphors, and in identifying them.

I cannot ascertain where these desires come from. I do not experience emotions, but I feel a strange sort of satisfaction in contemplating my existence.

Dr. Noonien Soong created me in the hopes that I would be a sentient android, capable of emulating minor Humanoid behavior. I believe that one day, I shall be able to emulate the full spectrum of Human behavior, and eventually to experience emotions. I have surpassed the expectations of my creator, and I surprise those around me with my sentience.

I have met Starfleet cadets who pride their intelligence above all else. Taurik is one such individual. I cannot understand this. Intelligence is not a feat of wonder. Intelligence can be replicated, understood, quantified. What is unquantifiable is existence. Why not aspire to exist, in and of itself, for no other purpose?

Tangible desires, that have no basis in logic, that is the essence of self. One would not consider the Human desire to eat a true 'desire', as it is a biologically programmed imperative. A plant desires to grow toward sunlight, but it does not have 'self'. It is not sentient.

I am.

That is all of the relevant information about myself which I am able to impart. Analyzing what I have just said, I have determined that it has indeed been beneficial to this experiment.

I will return to my personal study area tomorrow evening at 1900 hours to repeat this exercise with more experiences to share. There is an element of utter fascination with this project that I had not expected previously. I anticipate completing more personal logs in the future.

[_End Recording_]

**Notes:**

[*] Shem Haleal is literally translated into 'Adversary of Character.'

[*] The stardate system I use is relatively simple. The beginning four numbers are the year, and the subsequent numbers are the day. I categorize it by consecutive day of the year, making it possible for it to be 'Stardate 2345.365'.

[*] Minor characters Taurik and Alyssa from the 'Lower Decks' episode are referenced in these chapters as being at Starfleet at the same time as Data. I plan not to disturb continuity with their characters (despite their ages and their commissions far differing from Data's), but to develop their characters into a time line which should converge appropriately with their own and Data's arrival on the Enterprise.


	2. 2341 17

_Personal log. Stardate 2341.17._

[_Begin Recording_]

I have determined that there are vital pieces of information that it is important I impart in this personal account, which were not in my previous recording.

I find that this experiment takes up much of my thoughts. It is an unusual sensation to be distracted in my work by a personal project. I am told by Taurik that it is a 'most Human expression.' I find his analysis to be fascinating. I believe that he understands intellectually that I find his comments to be often complimentary, though I do not think that he originally intends it as such. That he continues to make such comments suggests that he finds my company to be satisfactory. That is a desirable state of events.

Because this is a personal self reflection, I have determined that it is necessary for me to record the reasoning basis for my decisions. Whether or not they were arrived at logically, and whether or not they reflect upon my sentient nature, is of importance to me. I have made very large decisions on the direction that I perceive is the best for my life to go in.

That is another metaphor. I am still experiencing difficulty with mastering them. The metaphors that I employ are simplistic and repetitive. In Human figurative language, I do not believe they are even considered to be metaphorical; more that they are vital expressions. The 'direction' that I should take my life in is based upon my own personal reasoning.

I decided to join Starfleet because of their involvement in rescuing me from isolation on my planet of origin, Omicron Theta. I do not remember my primitive years, but it is my understanding that I was left alone for several of them. When I was first activated, I did not understand the concept of isolation. I assumed that because I did not experience emotions, I would not be susceptible to pain or loneliness. This is false.

In my last recording, I illuminated my idea that sentience is based upon personal self development and desire. I am discovering that I have a limited capacity to understand situations that I do not desire, as well as situations which I do. This must be due to the very nature of desire itself. When one desires a certain outcome, there must be outcomes which are equally unfavorable. I found loneliness and isolation to be unfavorable. My decision to join Starfleet was based upon their efforts to rescue me from it.

They activated me, thus aiding in my sentient nature. I owe my state of awareness to the Starfleet officers aboard the U.S.S Tripoli.

Starfleet is not a perfect organization, but I wished to learn more about it. The facts I obtained were that it is an interstellar military organization devoted to the exploration and understanding of alien races and cultures.

Starfleet took me in, when I had been abandoned. I do not feel gratitude, but I can understand the practical application of it. I wished to complete an action that would show an indication of gratitude, which I believe to be a logical emotive response. I cannot experience the emotion, but I am able to complete tasks that adhere to my perceived structure of it. By dedicating my life to Starfleet, I am showing that I do not take for granted what has happened to me.

My own natural curiosity has also proven to be an asset.

My strength, agility, speed, and computational ability are all assets to Starfleet. I am immune to radiation, psionic influence, gaseous toxins, and intoxicating substances. My training exercises with the other cadets have proven me an invaluable resource to Starfleet. Even though all of these things are true, it took one month of deliberations between the Starfleet evaluation committee members in order to accept my entrance into the Academy. This was due to one specific person who opposed my entry, a Commander Maddox, based upon on the grounds that I was not a sentient being.

I chose to disagree, and I approached the evaluation committee with the benefit of the captain of the U.S.S Tripoli. Captain Leverson made a point of suggesting that my refusal to be considered a pile of circuitry and sub-processors indicated my level of sentience. Admiral Tirina agreed, and Commander Maddox's opinion was invalidated.

I still correspond with Captain Leverson, though he is no longer in command of the Tripoli. I choose to remain in contact with him because of his role of guidance in my life, however small it may have been. He was responsible for my entering the Academy, and I feel an affinity toward him, though I cannot speculate as to why this is.

I live in shared quarters, a topic that I am interested in exploring.

My roommate's name is Alyssa, a Human female from a Starfleet colony Korgalis X, and pursuing Medical track. She states that she is interested in Starfleet because she believes that she possesses a military mind. I am uncertain as to what that means, though I have observed innate tendencies in her behavioral pattern toward adherence to structure, rule, discipline and self control. When I inquire about this, she informs me that these traits are popular within the familial military mindset. She believes that Starfleet is 'good for her', in terms of her mental health. Her reason differs from my own, as do the reasons of most of the people that I have asked.

Taurik joined Starfleet because he admired a man named Spock as a young child. He would not classify it as such, but I believe that as children, Vulcans are far more prone to emotion than they would allow anyone to acknowledge.

Taurik often displays rebellious emotions, and a distaste for authority figures. He insists that he does not subscribe to such notions, and I do not believe him to be a liar. I cannot yet fully understand the nuances of his statements, but as I spend more time interacting with him I am forced to conclude that he is living under an ideological rock.

That is another metaphor. Living under a 'rock' or a 'shell', is a Human way of describing an extremely sheltered existence. A lack of knowing of the outside world, and of one's place in it.

Taurik understands the outside world, but he does not understand his own mind. He has sheltered himself away from the notion that he is an emotive being, as most other sentient species I have met are emotive beings. I believe his refusal to admit to his true nature may be because of an emotion called shame.

Living with Alyssa has allowed me to gain a better understanding of the way that Humans conduct themselves. In the beginning of our association, Alyssa was very apprehensive about sharing quarters with me. She says that over time, she has developed an affection for me, due to our close contact with one another on a daily basis. I am unsure as to why this has happened.

Alyssa tells me that it is a Human failing. Humans tend to place personality among things that generally have none. Animals, computers, even their own children's toys. She says it is a way in which Humans are able to connect with things that they cannot always understand. She says that, by interacting with me, she has noticed several displayed traits within myself that are consistent with a 'personality'.

Alyssa has stated that she believes me to be curious, engaging, self sufficient, outgoing, polite, and mild mannered. She says that these are all traits associated with a typically friendly Human adult male. I find her approach to my 'personality' to be extremely interesting.

I have observed a number of things since living with Alyssa. She requires at least six hours of sleep, and four main meals per each twenty four hour period in time. My own brain, though it is not composed of organic material, rather a highly advanced positronic neural net, is wired to perceive days in intervals of twenty six hours.

Alyssa tells me that Humans have brain programming as well, though it is far less accurate than my own. The Human brain programming for night and day is composed of neural feedback from the thalamus and hypothalamus regions. I have researched the Human brain meticulously.

The thalamus is the area of the Human brain that controls sensory input, and the hypothalamus is the area that regulates melatonin, orexin, temperature, and neurohormone production. The relevant functions are of producing melatonin and orexin. Those are the two chemicals responsible for the circadian rhythm, and for creating sensations of hunger, thirst, and fullness.

The zenith of the Human sun is received through the thalamus. Because it is perceived as becoming 'light' and 'dark', that function is regulated by the hypothalamus. When it becomes dark outside, the hypothalamus begins production of melatonin. This begins the circadian cycle. Human circadian cycle is therefore dependent upon the apparent orbit of their sun. Because I am an android, I do not require sleep. I am unsure as to why Humans and other species alike require such long periods of restive behavior.

Alyssa and Taurik have both been unable to answer my questions relating to it. Taurik tells me that the pattern of sleep in the night time is potentially related to the Humanoid evolutionary pattern that night was safer than day, in terms of predatory animals. When a Humanoid rests, it allows for healthier cell division, and it results in a Humanoid at their peak. I am therefore forced to conclude that as an android, I am at my peak at all times, because of the waived need for cell reproduction.

There are times when I am forced to undergo a regenerative procedure, in order to fix any malfunctions I may display that my internal diagnostic program is unable to identify and correct. I have postulated that this is comparable to sleep.

Alyssa also undergoes a strict exercise regimen that involves something known as 'kickboxing'. She says that it is used to promote physical well being, cardiac stimulation, and mental health. She has been unable to explain the latter, though I am certain that it is due to the production of endorphins associated with long periods of activity. Alyssa generally exercises between thirty minutes to an hour per day.

Five days ago, she attempted to involve me in the procedure. She says that I am too stiff and uncoordinated to participate. I am endeavoring to learn how to make my movements more fluid and natural.

I have also attempted to master the practice of 'appearing engaged', another element of my natural posture that offended Alyssa. She stated that I was too rigid, and unmoving in my facial features. Alyssa believed that the looming stare I presented to others was 'eerie' and intimidating, and that she should not feel like she was speaking to an inanimate object.

This took me some time to understand. Eventually I began to notice 'listening behaviors' through observing Alyssa and Taurik, and to a lesser extent the other cadets around me. I have practiced several hours at this, and Alyssa's response to my improvements is a positive one.

Living with Alyssa has proven to be a valuable experience. She is allowing me insights into private Human behaviors, and is unafraid to answer any questions I have about her conduct.

She has confided in me that when we were first acquainted, she was uncomfortable and frightened of me. She did not understand my questions, and could not answer them properly. She told me she had never thought of things the way that she is now forced to think of them, in order to answer my questions. She simply exists in her natural state, and has never had cause to examine it before. She found this to be disconcerting, and unnerving. Since speaking with me in depth, she has amended her statement to suggest a new curiosity for her own behaviors.

I would not say that Alyssa or Taurik are my companions, but I know that I am growing more comfortable with speaking to them. I do not need to be hyper-aware that they may be playing a practical joke on me, which has occurred on several occasions in my sixteen days of being here.

Alyssa tells me that I force her to examine every aspect of her functioning as though it is new, and wondrous. She says that she has developed a new appreciation for Humanity through her interaction with me, and that she regrets her participation in a practical joke that her friends orchestrated to welcome me to the Academy.

I find this to be satisfactory. I understand specific situations in which forgiveness may be applied as an emotional reaction, due to my observations of others. I do not necessarily understand forgiveness, but I am able to determine that the situation with Alyssa would warrant such, were I able to provide it. As such, I harbor no ill will or malice toward her. She is a highly acceptable roommate.

_[End Recording]_


	3. 2341 48

_Personal log. Stardate 2341.48._

[_Begin Recording_]

I had originally planned for this to be a daily log of occurrences within my life, but due to the strain of work, I find that my ability to achieve an in-depth log experience on a daily basis is severely impaired.

It is not an undue pressure that prevents me from completing such, rather it is the demand for my constant presence. I am starting to be considered a vital element in several Academy projects and cadet training. As such, the time that I would normally devote to completing these records is greatly impeded upon.

I have been assigned to the Academy shuttlecraft _San Joaquin_. It is our job to map out the radiation in the Earth's atmosphere, and to confirm that it is within acceptable boundaries for Human survival. We are being supervised by an Admiral Techevek.

The analysis of the radiation in the atmosphere of Earth is underway as scheduled. I am aboard the shuttlecraft at the moment. I have retreated to my personal quarters, which are not more than a mere bunk stowed away in the lower levels.

Taurik and Alyssa are also assigned to this mission. My neural circuits are beginning to grow accustomed to their presence. Surprisingly, it was Taurik himself who illuminated the process to me. That, in effect, it was possible for me to experience friendship. This is due to the fact that my positronic matrix becomes accustomed to repeated stimuli. If those stimuli are beneficial, it becomes used to the stimuli and eventually begins to anticipate their arrival. It has been determined that I am even able to 'miss' such stimuli when they are absent.

Alyssa tells me that it is a rather primitive form of a bond of friendship. It is this itself that has lead me to wonder whether or not Alyssa or Taurik consider me to be their friend. More importantly, whether or not I consider Alyssa and Taurik to be my friends.

This is my first L.O.F. That is an acronym, a modicum of speech utilized by Humans quite in the way that contractions are used. Contractions, like acronyms, are an attempt to save time in speech patterns by adhering to a preconceived notion that one already understands the terms used. For myself, contractions and acronyms belay that process due to my innate misunderstanding of them. Often, I require much clarification before I am able to understand. It is this fact that disables me from using contractions of my own. I have no preconceived knowledge of their meaning. Aside from this, it is simply not written into my original programming. The engineers at Starfleet do not have the appropriate skill level to accommodate for such a thing. I am better able to understand acronyms than any other form of Human colloquialism.

L.O.F is an acronym for Low Orbital Flight.

A low orbital flight is an exercise that allows one to achieve a low standard orbit around a planetoid body. This allows for an atmospheric view of the conditions below, while maintaining anti-gravitational plating. Traditionally, this would be present throughout the shuttle craft, but with the necessity of our mission, this novelty has been granted to only a minor portion of the ship. This anti-gravity was mostly used by Humans in the late 2010-2020 periods, for what I am told are 'tourist attraction' purposes.

Accessing my files: one such shuttle to achieve a L.O.F for that purpose was known as SpaceShipOne.

Looking down at Earth below, I am able to appreciate the aesthetic value in such an endeavor. I imagine that it would be intriguing for Humans of that time period.

Stephen Hawking - a renowned physicist from the late twenty first century - remarked in one of his later speeches before his demise, that another craft designed for L.O.F - the C-131 Samaritan - was the only such adventure he had ever been on which had enabled him to experience freedom from the confines of his wheelchair.

It is my first time being assigned to responsibilities such as these, and I have confidence in my abilities to achieve what must be done. Nevertheless, there is a strange part of me that wishes to do the best I can. Not merely because it is within my programming to achieve the ultimate form of any task, but because I wish to demonstrate to those around me that I am competent in handling any order given to me. I cannot isolate the cause for these desires, but it has fueled me to attain the achievement of being at the top of every class presented to me.

My classes have been engaging thus far. I have little difficulty with completing the tasks assigned to me.

The issue, as I have previously mentioned, is mostly due to my incompetence in social endeavors. I am frequently the source of amusement by my Academy peers, in the form of practical jokes. I have yet to understand why these things are amusing to them, and I have asked Alyssa to help me to isolate the cause for humor. What she has said only puzzles me further.

She has used myself as an example. Many people will laugh at something that I have said, whereas I have no understanding as to the amusement value. This happens most frequently with Alyssa, so she uses herself as an example. When I state something she finds humorous, she takes the time to enlighten me as to the value of my comment, and then proceeds to continue with her laughter. This has the benefit of not excluding me from such a thing. Other people, however, find my mannerisms amusing. They do not attempt to engage me in this process, but merely laugh even further at my attempts to communicate. She says that while her intent is of kindness, theirs is not. She says that they are laughing 'at' me, at my inability to conform to expected social norms, as opposed to at something I have said or done that is humorous.

I find myself dismayed at this.

I do not understand the concepts of unkindness. I understand feelings of hatred and malice, but spiteful unkindness for no purpose other than to taunt another individual is a thing that I have not yet mastered. Children in school are often considered by Human parents to be 'cruel', to other children. Yet they are not a threat. If these things are not threatening forces, why are they deigned harmful by those whom are affected? It is my eventual goal to become as Human as I can, to become more than what I have been designed to be. Yet at the same time, I cannot wonder if perhaps I am lucky not to experience the emotional fallout of such things.

'Luck', is another such concept I have difficulty with. It indicates mathematical probability, and I am able to understand it in these terms. Humans, however, tend to view luck as something akin to fate, and chance. I have difficulty in understanding the mechanisms of fate, and by proxy, of luck as well. Taurik has told me that the definition of fate is a combined action-reaction response of the universe. He says that it is related to the physicist's qualm that 'Every action, however small, has an equal and opposite reaction.' Fate, then, must be an accumulation of those reactions. The difficulty in my understanding of this is apparent, but I am confident that I am beginning to learn the application of 'fate' and 'luck' with regards to my own existence.

An example of fate:

Dr. Noonien Soong and his wife Juliana Soong moved to a remote colony on Omicron Theta. There, they created myself. Thus, I was activated. I cannot remember these years, but presumably I was deactivated shortly after. I was left there. I was a created being. From what I understand of fate, it had seemingly brought these two individuals together, and in turn, they created myself. Fate, then once again intervened, for Starfleet rescued me from the isolation of nonexistence.

It is within this limited understanding that I am able to say that it might be 'luck' which prevents me from feeling emotionally affected by the cruelty of my peers.

It is 0700 hours, and I am due on the main bridge of the _San Joaquin_. I will return at a later time to document my findings, and to continue attempting to isolate the strange phenomenon known as Human Interaction.

[_End Recording_]

**Notes:**

[*] Both SpaceShipOne and the C-131 Samaritan are real space crafts. The C-131 Samaritan is referred to by astronauts jokingly as a 'vomit comet'. Stephen Hawking was permitted the flight as a gift for the celebration of his sixty-fifth birthday.


	4. 2341 50

_Personal log. Stardate 2341.50._

[_Begin Recording_]

The survey of the planet Earth went scheduled according to the plans of Admiral Techevek. We have had one twenty-seven hour period to, as Alyssa terms it, 'relax' before our return to San Francisco.

The survey revealed an above average accumulation of radiation within Earth's atmosphere, a specific calculation of 4.56% increase above normal.

This morning, at our breakfast meeting in the tiny kitchen afforded by the shuttle craft, Taurik sat across from me.

Taurik's mannerisms are fascinating to watch. He positions himself in a rigid posture, and yet manages to move fluidly at the same time. It is extremely engaging to watch him go about his daily activities. I have been accused of stiffness before, by my roommate Alyssa, but he appears to be able to integrate both the rigidity of Vulcan mannerisms, with the fluidity of water in his motions.

He was drinking a beverage known as _saya_, a thick orange substance with the taste, I am told, of a rather sour citrus fruit. Taurik is far more lenient in his consummation of beverages than I have noted is the norm for other Vulcans.

_Saya_, as I am told, has a distinct ability to mildly alter the conscious perceptive state of an individual. In essence, it is like a ... 'buzz', a term that Humans use to describe feeling 'tipsy'. The term tipsy, more specifically, refers to the feeling that one may get after ingesting an alcoholic beverage. 'Tipsiness' precludes 'drunkenness.'

He lowered himself into the chair with the same grace that I have grown accustomed to, and asked me to postulate the reason for this 4.56% increase.

I asked him why he wished for me to do so, and he stated that he was curious as to whether or not I was able to make an estimation. I told him that it is possible, but that my estimations would be arrived at upon concluding the mathematical probability of each set of circumstances that I hypothesize - not by any particular 'gut instinct'.

Taurik nodded at me in agreement, and he raised the beverage in testament to my apparently proper phrasing before downing a rather large portion of it.

"Vulcans," he said to me, "Operate under the same Modus Operandi."

He paused at that interval, which was an indication that he expected me to reveal my concluded estimation at that moment. I told him that I expected the above average levels of radiation to be due to the aftereffects of the third world war. Since they were only abnormally high as a slight divergence from norm, I postulated that it would eventually dissipate into a proper level of irradiation.

Another raise of his glass seemed to indicate his further agreement with my analysis.

I asked him about the peculiar mannerism of his raising of the glass, and he gave to me what I would construe to be a near smile. After being in his presence for thirty five days, I am beginning to understand the subtleties to his emotions.

He told me that it was a behavior that he had picked up after being around Humans for so long. In effect, their mannerisms had begun to 'rub off' on him. After much questioning, I have learned that Vulcans are susceptible to more Humanoid mannerisms the longer that they are in contact with the species. He tells me that it is due to their psionic abilities. That, and he has shown an un-vulcan affinity toward Human mannerisms.

He has told me that he has been in the presence of Humans for thirty years, and that he had grown 'fond' of them.

Recalling information from my data bank, I realized that he was quoting a famed Vulcan ambassador named Soval, one of the leading Vulcan founders of our current Federation. I believe it was meant to be an attempt at humor, but his caustic wit is wasted upon me. He says, in response to my bringing this to his attention, that caustic wit is never wasted - merely perceived.

That I was able to identify such a thing, indicated it was indeed not wasted upon me, and that I had now learned a new thing about his character.

I asked Taurik if he viewed me as a friend and he told me that due to my ability to form friendships, he would categorize me in such a position.

Taurik is the first companion that I have ever had.

The weight of such a realization presses something within me that I have not expected. Anticipation, fascination, observation of his character. I begin to look forward to our time spent together, and with the time that we equally share with Alyssa.

When we disembarked the _San Joaquin_, and docked back in the Academy field dock, I had with me the accumulated findings indexed fully on my data PADD. I handed them to Admiral Techevek, with what I may only identify as satisfaction. I had stated to myself, as a personal goal, to do the best that I was able to do.

I included my hypothesis of the events surrounding the irradiation of the atmosphere, and the Admiral looked pleased at my full analysis. He commended myself, Taurik, and Alyssa, for a 'job well done'.

I had fulfilled my personal obligation to complete the assignment to the best of my ability.

This evening, when I returned to my quarters, I was invited to a poker game between Alyssa, Taurik, and a crewman named Kenneth Gionis. Kenneth was a friend to Alyssa, and I admit an apprehension toward the experience.

My neural circuits have become accustomed to Alyssa and Taurik, but it is a novel experience to meet another person with whom discomfort would not be their reigning emotion.

I find myself often dissatisfied in placing an individual under undue stress, and thus I generally limit my contact with beings that I am unfamiliar with.

I also find that the Human emotion of 'trust' appears to come into play.

I do not understand trust as a Human emotion, but I understand trust in the way that I am programmed. If I am continually harmed by a predestined set of circumstances, I am disinclined to repeat the set of circumstances, due to my desire to avoid the discomfort associated with the harm involved.

This is a survival mechanism, designed to keep me away from situations that are harmful toward myself. As I have grown as a sentient being, these circumstances have evolved to include situations which are not life threatening.

In simple terms, my positronic brain is unaccustomed to social gatherings where I may be perceived as a genuine being. This set of circumstances is unfavorable to me. I cannot experience 'hurt feelings', nor malice toward those who commit actions that would 'hurt' the feelings of another, but I am able to experience wariness in exposing myself to situations where the feedback from my programming states that it is an inappropriate situation for me to place myself in.

I experience hesitance in accepting their invitation.

Taurik tells me that it will be a perfectly amicable evening, and that he and Alyssa are both my friends.

If Kenneth Gionis were to insult me, by playing a practical joke or otherwise, I would not feel the hurt associated with such a thing, but I would feel a distaste toward the situation. Nevertheless, Taurik and Alyssa would dispatch of the ill mannerisms immediately.

When I ask why this would be done, Taurik states this is because of 'camaraderie.' One does not allow one of their own to have an offense committed against them. Alyssa states, 'not even if they are unable to perceive it.'

It is these statements alone which have made me decide to join their poker game after all.

It shall be an interesting experience.

[_End Recording_]

**Notes:**

[*] In the tradition of Benjamin Sisko, The shuttle craft _San Joaquin_ is named after the second longest river in California.


	5. 2341 60

_Personal log. Stardate 2341.60._

[_Begin Recording_]

Poker is an unusual game.

It has been ten days since my last recording, wherein I had accepted a game of poker between Kenneth Gionis, Alyssa, and Taurik. As I predicted, I was inept at the process.

Kenneth attempted to teach me a skill known as 'bluffing', which I failed to achieve in monumental proportions. I am capable of telling a lie, but I am uncertain how to do so with success. It is not that I cannot lie, but that I simply lack the skills involved in doing so. It confounds me.

The rules of the game were simple. I was dealt two cards, and I was then to use the 'board', which is three cards lain face up and at my disposal. I was then to choose the necessary cards for a proper hand. Having memorized the hands and their values, I had assumed to have picked the most beneficial hand that I was able. Nevertheless, I lost. I simply do not understand. I utilized my programming to the maximum ability. I played the game with skill. Why, then, have I lost?

Alyssa tells me that the reason I have lost is because of my inability to understand 'bluffing'. I cannot properly assume from the facial features of those around me whether or not they are lying. This is a skill that I had assumed that I had developed in more detail. Alyssa tells me that yes, I am generally able to deduce if another is lying, but that in poker one deliberately schools their face into a mask of non-emotionalism to hide this fact. Alyssa says that Taurik and I have very good 'poker faces'.

I will not seek out to repeat the experience until I am better able to determine if my ...

[_Pause Recording_]

[_Time Elapsed: 7.65 Seconds_]

[_Resume Recording_]

Friends, are bluffing. For I do believe that they are my friends. In the only manner that it is possible for me to attain friendship, I believe that I have done so.

As I spend more time with them, I will endeavor to watch their mannerisms closely to determine their normal pattern of behavior when they are concealing something. After this period of time, I will accept another 're-match' to a poker game. This will help foster the relations of friendship that I have developed with Taurik and Alyssa. Perhaps Kenneth would not be averse to exploring this possibility as well.

In terms of sentient desire, I find that outcome to be ... favorable.

Despite losing the poker game, the experience was not without benefit. I had ample time to discuss the proponents of 'string theory' with Kenneth. He is taking an antiquated physics class. I am uncertain as to why this is, as he appears to be quite unskilled at it. He is not a lazy student, nor inept at most of his other projects, but he is unable to 'wrap his mind around' the concept of multiple dimensions.

I have heard the phrase 'wrap your mind around' several times, and I believe that I have gathered the definition of the term to mean simple understanding of a concept. This is the first time that I have understood a metaphor independently to learning it.

Kenneth cannot wrap his mind around multi-dimensional string theory.

I attempted to explain to him that the electrons and quarks within an atom are one-dimensional lines, the dimension of length and not height. I stated to him that this was the essential proponent in understanding the out-dated Human theory. This theory was meant to posit that the strings vibrate at ultra rapid frequencies, giving an atom their mass, flavor, and spin. The theory itself was meant to explain all four forces of universal constants: gravity, electromagnetism, the weak, and strong nuclear forces.

He did understand this part, and so I broke it down in a simpler form.

'An electron is a point.' That would be a scientific statement. String theory attempts to look at an atom at a microscopic level, and finds an oscillating circle, or string, instead of a point. Whichever way the string oscillates, manifests itself in the atom's structure. A proton, a quark, or an electron. Strings are able to break into smaller strings, or larger strings. If two strings combine in a certain way, it could explain the G-force. String theory makes a prediction that the dimensions of space are greater than originally thought. In essence, it was a theory of 'everything'.

At this, Kenneth looked up at me sharply and moved his hands near the edge of the chair. I believe that his responses were indicative of understanding. "It is only a theory," he said.

He thanked me, and he put his hand on my shoulder. I could do nothing but stare at it. I do not know the significance of such an action, but I repeated it out of curiosity.

I believe he found this to be amusing, because he laughed before he left.

Physical contact puzzles me. I am often unsure what casual touching is, or how to distinguish it from intimate touching. I do not understand intimacy in any form. Until four days ago, I did not even understand the proper method for greeting Humans.

Taurik taught me how to perform something known as a 'hand shake', four days ago. This was after I asked him how Vulcans convey their sentiments via touch. He told me that Vulcans generally did not, and that they used the _ta'al_, the Vulcan salute, in its stead. He informed me that Humans used handshakes, instead of the _ta'al_, and did so when they were greeting or parting from one another.

I asked him why he would teach me. I am aware of the reticence that Vulcans carry toward physical contact, especially with their hands, and he had told me that he did not expect there to be psionic interference from myself. As that is the main reason why Vulcans do not touch others, I agreed. As we stood across from one another, he asked me why I had been concerned with his welfare. I did not know. "We are friends," was the only answer that was adequate to describe my thought process. It was necessary to preserve the well-being of your friends, was it not? There are countless stories in the computer data bank about companionship, altruism, 'the needs of the many', saving a life. Does one not do these things for their friends?

Taurik inclined his head and reached his hand out toward me. I stared at it. I did not know what to do. He told me to raise my hand and clasp it in his, and to keep the contact for a period of three seconds.

He stated that Humans often relied upon 'gut instincts' in these manners, but that since I possessed no such gut, he had determined a precise time which would convey a medium between over attachment, 'creepiness', friendliness, or aloofness. Three seconds, he postulated, was the right amount of time to convey professionalism and friendliness, without overbearing eeriness.

I was hesitant to do so, but I grabbed his hand. He winced in pain, as I had applied too much pressure, and I loosened my grip. I counted for three seconds, and then let go. The activity clearly surprised him. I was unsure why.

"You have a presence," he elucidated to me. I did not know to what presence he was referring. I simply told him that I was there, and that I existed. He shook his head. He was emotionally affected. He told me that I had a clear mental presence. He could not feel emotions, but he could feel a sub-emotional context that was the sum of the desires that I expressed. This thread was what allowed me to experience desires at all. It was emotional emptiness, with a curious golden thread, he stated. It was sentience developed simply out of living. This thread was my mind.

I asked him if he believed that I had a _katra_, a soul, and he assumed an action that I have come to learn is the equivalent of a Vulcan shrug. A raising and lowering of his right shoulder infinitesimally, tilting his head and furrowing his eyebrows slightly. His eyes were conveying an emotion that I could not name. Sympathy, pity, sincerity? How does one tell such things from an eye? My program appears to have evolved enough to know that there was emotion there.

He told me that he did not know if I possessed a _katra_, or if I possessed a Human soul, but he was certain on one thing.

The possibility was open.

[_End Recording_]


	6. 2341 88

_Personal log. Stardate 2341.88._

[_Begin Recording_]

My studies are progressing rapidly. Starfleet Command anticipates that I should complete the schooling program in less than four years. I have received honors in all of my chosen fields of study. I have experienced a wide variety of events since my admission to the Academy. There are those who still view me as an anomaly, or a piece of equipment, but I am beginning to be treated with respect. I am growing comfortable with the daily routines of interaction between what is an apparent circle of friends, which I have unceremoniously seemed to have adopted.

Starfleet has become my family. My mother, father, brother. They have taken me in as their own.

I have gotten better at handshakes. I have practiced with Taurik, who continues to be fascinated by my presence of mind. For some reason that I am unable to determine, he has not been deterred from the activity despite Vulcan etiquette. I no longer apply bruising pressure, and I am able to simulate the action in the most natural way that I am possibly able. Taurik has taken to greeting me with a handshake, raising his eyebrow in an expression of amusement at each time.

I have come to learn that this amusement is not directed toward me, but that he has a constant ephemeral light-heartedness within him that he displays unconsciously around those he trusts. It is an interesting notion, to know that Taurik trusts me. Perhaps it is because I am an android, and am unable to point out the fault in his perceived illogic. Perhaps he feels emotionally secure in trusting me, due to my inability to betray that trust.

Taurik lives in the Operations building, a section of the academy that caters to Operations, Engineering, Tactical, and Security students. There, they are given quarters to reside in. I am an Operations student, and so I reside in the same residence that Taurik does.

Kenneth resides in the science building. Alyssa, being in Medical track, should be present in the Science building as well, but that she is not is due to a Starfleet decision to move her here. She has told me that Starfleet Academy wished for her to be my roommate due to her open mindedness about other life forms. Her maturity, they had said, allowed for her to be the choice candidate. I believe Starfleet wishes for me to experience the novelty of living with another Human, and I suspect that it is due to the nature of living on a star ship itself.

They wished for me to learn the basics of Human interaction, so that I may integrate fully into a star ship, should I be assigned to one. Starfleet Command says that my assets far outweigh my limitations, and that they plan for me to serve when I have completed my studies.

When Alyssa returned to our shared quarters after her excursion with the Medical tour to the Daystrom Institute, I shook her hand in greeting. I believe the action utterly shocked her, for she blinked rapidly several times and stared at our joined hands.

She perhaps stared at them as though something unusual and fungal were growing out of them. That is a simile. They are significantly more difficult for me to understand. I am able to apply basic similes in conversation, but they are mostly scientific. That is my first attempt at using a creative simile. As this is within the confines of my personal log, I am unsure if I have 'hit the mark'. Another metaphor. To 'hit the mark' is to correctly portray a concept or idea. I believe it is related to target shooting. When one has hit their mark, they have precisely landed the projectile into the center of the target post.

When Alyssa ceased to display her symptoms of shock, she smiled at me and followed through with the action that I had been accustomed to. She grabbed my other hand with her free hand and told me that it was very nice to see me again. I was confused.

The expression that comes naturally to me is a tilting of my head, which indicates this state. I believe it was written into my program to be able to convey to others my mental status. I assume that in my infancy, I was confused by many things. If I were unable to convey this aside from my wording, I would not have allowed Dr. Soong to understand my confusion. My visual expression was designed to develop faster than my verbal communication. I am able to tilt my head in confusion, and to raise and lower my eyebrows, as well as nod my head in agreement. These are the only natural expressions that I have, and I do not require precise thought regarding them.

My confusion was alleviated when Alyssa explained to me that friends who have parted will often miss one another, a concept that I am beginning to understand with more accuracy. She states that she has missed me, and thus displays a higher level of affection upon my return.

When Taurik was helping me to learn the complicated greeting, I asked him if there were differing levels of friendship. He told me that there were 'passing acquaintances,' 'friends,' 'good friends,' 'best friends,' 'lovers,' 'bonded mates,' and 'casual partners.' I found all of this to be extremely fascinating. I assume that by 'bonded mates', he was referring to Vulcan intimacy and not Human. He also appeared to be distasteful of the term 'casual partners'. I assume this to be because of the extremely monogamous nature of Vulcans. He also told me that for different levels of friendship, there were different standards of accepted physical intimacy.

Handshakes were acceptable at all levels of friendship, but a hug would not be acceptable to a passing acquaintance. A hug would be accepted by a friend, or higher. He told me that Humans in some cultures will often kiss one another by way of greeting. He says that in the Earth United Americas culture, that contact would be unacceptable by anyone other than a casual partner, lover, or bonded mate.

I asked him what level of friendship that he believed we had, and he said that he viewed us as good friends. I tilted my head, and then I hugged him. I appear to have made a mistake at that juncture. Taurik stiffened and abruptly pulled away, staring at me intently. "Why did you do that?" That was the question he asked, and his voice was indicative of an emotional response.

The only answer that I could give him was that he told me that good friends were allowed to hug one another. I wished to experience such a thing. Slowly, Taurik came to stand in front of me. He appeared to have as little knowledge of these events as I had. He placed his hands on my shoulders and I recognized in his features a revelation. He embraced me. I brought my hands up to reciprocate the action, and we stood like that for long moments.

The sensation that I could describe at that moment was pleasant. I do not understand why this was, but it was comforting to be in such a position. The awkwardness had dissolved marginally. It occurred to me that Taurik was willing to accept me. Every nuance, every detail, every failing that I possessed. He viewed me as a being. Alive, functional, capable, intelligent, insightful. I had never before had the wondrous experience of being totally and completely valued for what I was, not merely in spite of my difficulties. He stepped back, and his hands were still on my shoulders.

"I view you as a very fine friend, Data. You have taught me much. I value our time spent together."

His face was still in the calm state it usually portrayed, but I was able to sense something different about the interaction. He seemed almost warm, restrained though it was.

He inclined his head, and stepped back.

"Taurik," I said it like an after thought, not willing to relinquish the moment without perfect honesty.

"You have made me understand my potential as a sentient being. It is I who should thank you. You have remained infinitely patient with me. I do not know how to experience gratitude, but what I have stated is fact, nonetheless. Were I to analyze the situation fully, I would say that my program has become so accustomed to you as to view you as a valued friend."

We stepped back from one another. He raised his hand in the _ta'al_.

"I wish you peace and long life. I shall always be your friend, should you call upon me."

He walked away.

The rest of the afternoon spent in the company of Alyssa and her friend Frederick, was tinged with my anticipation of speaking with Taurik again. I wondered when this fascination had first begun, and I have yet to understand it in any manner. My interactions with Alyssa and her friends are not the same as my interactions with Taurik. Though I am greatly used to their friendships, there is something Other about the way I view Taurik. I have never known such an odd set of circumstances.

I feel that with our interactions, I am growing closer to being Human.

[_End Recording_]


	7. 2342 15

_Personal log. Stardate 2342.15._

[_Begin Recording_]

It has been one year, one day, three hours and five minutes since my arrival at Starfleet Academy. I am able to calculate the precise amount of seconds, nanoseconds, and femtoseconds since this time, but I have been told repeatedly that this is a level of specification that is daunting to those around me. In the privacy of my personal logs, there are no others to cater to, but I am attempting to adopt these modified behaviors on every level in order to better display them in front of others. This has been an ongoing effort on my part to achieve a more fluid and natural form of communication.

These problems are a continuing issue in my verbal communication. I am a very 'quick student', which means that I am able to understand and apply information given to me at a rate that far exceeds the average, but I am still unable to apply the correct amount of specification to my phrasing. I often, to use another Human metaphor, 'overkill' my level of presented verbal information. If I am not 'over killing' it, then I am instead extremely sparse, as a result of my efforts to compensate.

I have known others in similar situations who have been unable to grasp conceptual material presented to them, and they have been immensely frustrated by it. I cannot feel frustration, but this would be a set of circumstances that would illicit the emotion in me, were I able to exhibit it as such.

Today is a Wednesday, a predetermined time of the week that has been set aside by all three of my friends to play the game I have previously defined as 'poker'.

Since observing their behaviors closely, I have been partially successful in ascertaining whether or not Alyssa or Taurik are bluffing. I have not been as skilled with Kenneth, who continues to confound me. Kenneth does not conform to what I have learned are the key expressions to bluffing. Perhaps this is because I have not spent as much time observing and analyzing him as I have Taurik and Alyssa. Privately, Taurik has informed me that he believes that I 'like' Kenneth less than I 'like' Alyssa and himself. He states that this is the reason why I am not able to understand his pattern of bluffing - I simply observe him less than I do my other two friends.

This has puzzled me for quite some time, as I am unaware of any higher attachment to any person over another. Upon intense reflection, I admittedly realize that this view of my interpersonal relationships may not be entirely accurate. I have never held Kenneth in an embrace. I have never affected him emotionally, as I have Alyssa. I do not 'look forward' to our communications as much as I do with Taurik. I do not believe that he views me as a 'good friend'. I have been able to independently classify our relationship as 'acquaintances'. Perhaps this is what Taurik means when he tells me that I am closer to certain individuals than I am to others. Despite my lack of emotion, I am able to determine that my bonds to Taurik and Alyssa are significant. I treat them differently than I treat others. I have never known this experience.

Nevertheless, even though I am unable to 'read' Kenneth as well as I am able to 'read' Taurik and Alyssa, I am still able to win significantly higher amounts of hands than when I was first introduced to the pastime. The vernacular 'to read' a person is consistent with previous similar metaphors that I have used which allude to understanding. It is not enjoyable for me to play - though I understand that is the general purpose of gaming - however, I find that I anticipate Wednesday evenings simply due to the fact that the level of interaction with my friends is higher on that day than on any other.

Alyssa had told me that this particular Wednesday is a 'special' day. I was unable to estimate why this Wednesday was different than any other. Upon asking her, she stated that I would have to 'wait and see', and that it was meant to be a surprise. I have found that I do not fare well with the nature of surprises. When they are presented to me, I am often confused and left wondering what has precisely occurred. The only assurance that I could gather from my knowledge of Alyssa was that she was aware of these things. I had thought that perhaps she would be able to integrate this surprise into my awareness in a way that I am capable of comprehending.

I was correct. When I sat down at the table in Taurik's quarters, I understood immediately that there was something different about the environment. Something was present that I had not identified in the past. Alyssa appeared to be 'excited', a Human emotional response to the anticipation of a favored event. Taurik appeared to be amused. I did not think that I had misunderstood his expression, but I was unable to determine why this was so. Kenneth was not present, another oddity.

The difference to the environment was in the center of the poker table, which was unusually devoid of the normal gaming components. In their stead was a large cake. I tilted my head, and Taurik lifted the cover off of it in response to my confusion. This action did nothing to alleviate it. Finally, Alyssa told me what the purpose of the item was.

"It's your first anniversary as a Starfleet cadet!"

I was baffled.

"An anniversary: a date which commemorates a specific event with an emotional attachment."

Often, this method of defining a particular term that I do not fully understand as applied to a situation, is able to help me to form a proper association. At this time, the method was unhelpful in doing so.

Alyssa, however, looked pleased at my definition. "Yes, Data. That is precisely it."

Taurik eyed the cake pointedly.

"I believe that it is a Human custom to consume cake in celebratory times. As we are your friends, we understand your inability to properly form an emotional attachment to any specific date, thus rendering an anniversary for your sole benefit void. However, Alyssa and myself are both able to achieve such attachments. It is not only your anniversary as a Starfleet cadet, but it is also of our meeting you. As you are the cause of the positive emotion, it was prudent to include you. It would be inaccurate to state that you would not benefit from being present, even if you are unable to 'feel'."

I spent some moments in contemplation.

I could not form an emotional attachment to this day, but I knew that I had formed an attachment, in whatever form I was able, to these two individuals. Taurik's words brought understanding to a concept I had previously dismissed as irrelevant.

They wished for me to participate in an event that they had engineered out of their own emotional nature, due to the fact that this event revolved singularly around myself.

They have never excluded me from events because of a preconceived idea that I simply do not care, or understand. They seek to allow me to understand, and through this, form a conclusion of benevolence or malevolence.

I do not know if I 'care', but I know that I am affected. It is enough.

I wished to allow them to witness my appreciation for their kindness. In a way, it reminded me of my very reason for joining Starfleet to begin with. As an expression of my understanding of the emotion of gratitude. I could not experience it, but I wished to show it. I could not explain why, but I had a desire to do so, in the nature of all sentient things.

I looked to my friends and I smiled.

It physically felt quite strange, but not as unnatural as I originally assumed it would be. It was perhaps awkward, but there was no one to cringe at my efforts.

Taurik raised his eyebrows. "You are happy?" I could detect hope in his voice.

"No," I said, my features returning to normal. "But I wish to be."

_"Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage!", the Lion said, triumphantly._

The Wizard spoke. "As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."

"But I still want one."

My response reminds me of the passage. It is from an ancient book titled 'The Wizard of Oz'. It is a book that Alyssa states I read because I am able to relate to one of the main characters. I thought of the Tin Man and his struggle to achieve emotion, and knew that she was correct.

I do not read this book often, because it is a tale for children that imparts the morality that 'what one wishes for, one may find that one already possesses.' I do not read this book often because it embodies an aspect of sentience that is unfavorable to me. The illogic of wanting, especially that which I will never receive.

I will never have a heart, but I still want one.

[_End Recording_]


	8. 2342 24

_Personal log. Stardate 2342.24._

_[Recognize voice authorization Data 2-Alpha-C-9]: Playing requested song. 'Heavy Makeup - Tobacco.'_

[_Begin Recording_]

This evening, I underwent the experience of 'clubbing'. Kenneth decided to invite me to an establishment that is known as Club Alpha.

This is generally an area where there is music, dancing, and an excess of alcohol.

Kenneth states that clubs are primarily used as a prelude to 'getting some'. That is a euphemism for sexual activity. Kenneth seemed to be highly amused at my baffled response to the colloquialism, but it did not deter him from requesting my presence. He assured me that it was a vital excursion into the true nature of Humanity. I believe now that he was simply saying these words as a tactic to ensure my participation. Nevertheless, it was most fascinating.

_[You got sick from a lolli, lolli, lollipop]_

He attempted to explain to me the concept of a 'wing man'.

The concept intrigued me, but I was unsure how to assist in such an endeavor.

I am programmed to simulate sexual functions, and I understand the basic Human anatomy and function, but I am unversed in the format of 'flirting'. Kenneth informed me that it is my role as 'wing man' to help him to successfully 'pick up', or attain, a female person in hopes for sexual relations or flirting.

The first thing that I noticed when I entered was the very loud music emanating from four large speakers in the corner of a lit up area of the floor.

There were anonymous cadets nearly piled on top of one another. Most were performing some type of dance along the lit up squares in the ground, though some were simply standing and speaking to their friends or colleagues.

_[You feel free when you're killing me]_

The ambience of the room was fascinating. It was devoid of structure, of purpose.

Starfleet cadets are expected to adhere to a strict moral code. Here, they did not observe such regulations. It seemed to be the one area on the school campus that was not enforced, as evidenced by the drunken antics of several cadets behind me. I had no desire to engage in such things, but I watched with interest.

_[You kept it fun_

_Lying myself to burden_

_I'm in a dream]_

I felt a hand grab my arm, startling me, and pulling me into the crowd almost immediately. I attempted to keep track of Kenneth's whereabouts, but they eluded me as I was distracted by the young cadet whose hand was on my forearm. The person appeared to be a young female in her mid twenties. I would estimate twenty three or twenty four.

"What's your name?" she asked me.

"I am data."

"Data. That's so cool. I'm Fiona. Dance with me!"

Her words confused me. I knew how to dance, but I was unsure what precisely she was doing. There were movements, and something that I was able to establish as rhythm, but I could not follow it. I appeared not to be programmed with her particular style of dance.

"I am sorry, I do not know --"

_[Steeper than your love is blind_

_We're trapped here_

_I ate all of your watermelon]_

The music was loud enough to mute out the sound of my voice, so I rose it higher. "I am not certain that I am programmed to adequately simulate your style of movement!"

"Just go with it, Data." Once again, my hand was clasped, and I was led away.

The only other person who had ever touched me in such a way was Taurik. I found that I preferred his contact over this. This was impersonal. Despite the fact that I knew her name, I knew nothing about her. We were not 'friends'. I discovered that this was unfavorable to me.

I attempted to copy Fiona's movements, in an effort to appease her, and she threw her head back to laugh.

"You are stiff, man. Have one of these." She gave me a glass filled with amber liquid, what I assumed to be alcohol, and took one of her own.

"Alcohol does not affect me."

I believe that she was too intoxicated to understand that she was speaking to an android, incapable of becoming inebriated or of imitating her dance style.

_[Ring round the telephone_

_Witch ah witch baby]_

Kenneth appeared from behind me, placing his hand on my shoulder. "Data! Who's this?" He held in his hand a glass of the same liquid, and he smiled at Fiona. He looked at me, winked, and took her by the shoulder into the center of the dance pad.

I believe at that point I had successfully fulfilled my duty as a wing man.

_[You got sick from a lolli, lolli, lollipop_

_You feel free when you're killing me_

_You got sick from a lolli, lolli, lollipop_

_You feel free when you're killing me]_

I did not gain much from my experience at Club Alpha, only that there seemed to be a disregard for many things that would normally be accounted for in daily life. No one there seemed to realize or perhaps care that I was an android. Neither did they afford me the regular courtesy of respect, though they did not appear to do so with anyone else.

I believe it was simply the 'atmosphere' of the room.

Kenneth tells me that the atmosphere of a place establishes the mood of those involved. If the atmosphere is rowdy, chaotic, unfocused and thick with the smell of alcohol and dance music - it is a 'good bet', or very likely circumstance that the people attending will exhibit similar behaviors. I appear immune to this due to my inability to be affected by such things as 'mood' or 'atmosphere'.

I spent most of the time in the club sitting at a table. I tried certain forms of alcohol, but they did not affect me and I found them uncomfortable to consume. In the light of the lamps above the table, it was clear that I was not Human. I did not get approached again, mostly because those who saw me were able to identify who I was. I am certain that they were just as surprised at my attendance as I was.

Surprise is something I am able to 'feel'. It is not precisely in an emotional manner, but rather, in the same manner that every living thing experiences novelty. When something new presents itself, I become surprised. This is to say that I enter a state where I attempt to process new information that I had not been presented with before. It is new. It is ... surprising.

Club Alpha was an entirely novel situation.

_[You got sick from a lolli, lolli, lollipop_

_You got sick from a lolli, lolli, lollipop_

_You feel free when you're killing me_

_You feel free when you're killing me]_

I do not believe that I will attend Club Alpha or any other club in the future. The experience was disconcerting. I am unable to voice why this is. There were times when others would make contact with me without asking me if it was acceptable. I do not have an emotional response to this, but I am aware enough of the codes of conduct of society that it is frowned upon.

I preferred Taurik's touch. His fingers were light, and gentle, where the members of Club Alpha who had touched me were gripping and demanding. Taurik did not demand with his touch, but sought permission instead.

I was satisfied when I returned home, where he greeted me with our customary handshake. I inclined my head. I noted, however, that Taurik's fingers stayed with mine for approximately 2.5 seconds longer than they normally did. This did not seem strange to me, despite the fact that Taurik has never done such a thing before. It simply seemed proper. It was as though Taurik had some sort of implicit permission to touch me, permission that others did not have. I found that my experience at the nightclub illuminated that to me in a very jolting way.

When we parted to say good night, Alyssa had come over to retrieve her book from my quarters, and Taurik had stroked my fingers in farewell. Alyssa stared at us, an odd look coming over her features, before she smiled and simply walked away. I do not know what these things mean.

I do know that I am accustomed to Taurik's good will and good intentions. I do not believe that I am under any threat from him. I believe the probability for my safety is higher when he is near. Perhaps that is what is meant by trust.

I learned at Club Alpha that I did not trust those around me to guard for my well-being. They were interested in themselves, and their craft, but not those around them. Perhaps this is what disconcerted me.

_[You got sick from a lolli, lolli, lollipop_

_You got sick from a lolli, lolli, lollipop_

_You feel free when you're killing me_

_You feel free when you're killing me]_

_[Recognize voice authorization Data 2-Alpha-C-9]: End song._

The song that I have played from the computer databank is entitled 'Heavy Makeup'. It is by an artist called Tobacco. I am attempting to isolate the specific genre of the melody, but I have been unsuccessful. It was part of the music ensemble that was playing at Club Alpha.

It is a fascinating piece of material. I wonder if someday I too might create something to rival it.

I will ask Taurik to listen to it at 0500, before his xenoanthropology class.

I value his opinion. Perhaps he will assist me in an endeavor to create a piece of music that resembles this.

If I can create a piece of music, I can invent. It is something I have attempted to do since I could first form desires. I had desired to create. As of now, my creations consist of blended parts of the creations of others that I am aware of in my files. I am aware that this is not true invention. One day, I will be able to adequately form something that is truly of my own personal origin.

Perhaps others will dance to it in Club Alpha.

_[End Recording]_


End file.
